Wow. I havent used LJ in a hell of a long time.

So basically put, I'm officially a year out of school, and what a hell of a year it has been. A lot of growing professionally and personally. Got and SM internship at People's Light and Theatre company. A few (and I mean a few) guys have come and gone. Will try and post details later.  Just one tip to all recent grads... this next year for you is going to be interesting. Good way for some..harder for others. The first year out is tough for everyone, in different ways.  Just know that it happens to everyone and it does get better. Love ya all!

Ok, so not only did my little possibility fall through, so did mel's. What is it with great people like me and Mel always getting kicked around? Dont guys know that when you casually flirt with people who have been hurt or never had the chance, you get yourself into something pretty deep, and you kinda cant get out without hurting us in the process.

Either way, I'm just giving up on the guy thing for a while. School work is already kicking my ass, so there is no chance for a guy right now.

Ok, quick update. Possibly romatical endevours did not work out. SO....back to square one. I've really realized, looking at this, exactly how goal oriented and drivin I am. I'm so focused and have always been focused on career goals and getting better myself, that I kinda missed out on some interpersonal interactions and experiences. Oh well,... if a guy finds me, sees how drivin I am, and likes that about me...then I'm good.  Otherwise, for now, it's take care of myself and get done what I need to get done for my friends and for myself.  

Mr. Right,

If you are out there, and I just havent been looking or trying hard enough to find you, you are in for a suprise, cuz I am not the looking around for Mr. Right kinda girl. I'm the kinda girl who will do what she needs to do for herself because she knows that no one else will do it for her kinda girl. So, if you want me to take time outta my schedule to come lookin for you, you are soarly mistaken cuz then you just aint worth my time. ;-)

It's the last semester, last push, last show, last chance to show the professional world out there just what this chick has got.  Here goes nothin.

Bonzi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

 Here is what's going on now...

I got my grades back from this past semester...two A+s two Bs and waiting on one more grade.

Things with a certian someone who has been confusing the crap outta me all semester have gotten a little weirder in a good way? Was hangin out with this one the last two nights, watchen movies and playin video games with another friend, and he was actually treating me like a friend. I guess I've been the usual girl (which I wanted to avoid being) and was over thinking stuff. He had a crapload to do all semester, and a lot of people to shmooze with. It just kinda sucked that I got basically kicked to one side. 

As far as the romantic development I mentioned in the last entry, not quite sure where it's going even more.  Things got pretty "awwww" with the "date" on Wed.  but then I think about the guy he is, and things may not mean what I think they mean.  It may amount to nothing, it may just  be friends with benifits (which I dont usually do, and that is suprising to me), I may just be over thinking things again.  We shall see. I shall keep updates.

Heading home for the week for Christmas. Then back to school to work with Chris some more, back for a New Years party where I will see many of my friends for the last time before I graduate because they are boobyheads and going abroad, and then finally back for the beginning of school again and the reving up of TEMPEST!!!! This is gonna be a crazy awesome show based on what Chirs has told me he wants to do with the set!!!! I CANT WAIT. I kinda wish I was the ASM for this one, just so I could figure out how I would organize the backstage for this one.  I cant wait to see it all come together!!!! Danielle, you are gonna have your hands full for this one!

ok, just a quick update in the life...

I just got my last two certs this past weekend with the SAFD, so now I an certified in 
Unarmed
Singlesword
Quarterstaff (Excellence award)
Rapier and Dagger
Broadsword( Excellence award)
Smallsword
Sword&Shield(Excellence award)
and Knife.( Excellence award).

I'm finishing up finals stuff at school at the moment, and I'm officially staying in the apartment over break, so if anyone wants to drop me a line and visit, just give me a call.

I also have possibly started something romantically, but right now it's still in the fooling around faze. Still not sure where it might go, and it may just stay as fooling around. We shall see more after Wed, when (if it is a date) more about it is revealed. I am slightly worried about what it might in tale if it becomes anything more, due to the fact that this guy is already not really liked by a lot of my friends, but I just hope that if something does come of this situation, that they realized that I am a grown up girl and know what I am doing. I hope they realize  that if they do care about me as a friend, they will see that this is a good thing for me and that I know what i am getting myself in to and support me. Luv ya all!! Dont really want to go into it right now, cuz it is such an iffy thing right now. Just know that when I know, you will know. 
 

 It has been a really really long time since I posted, so I figured I'd give a quick note as to what has been up. 

This last week has been REALLY weird. Last weekend, I went to the masquerade Ball for the first time my entire time here at Arcadia. It wasnt all that it was hyped up to be, but it was fun getting to dance with a bunch of my closest friends, for a really long time and seeing everyone's costumes.  I think Steve as Nightcrawler and his girlfriend Jess as our other friend Carley Morgan was PRICELESS! Then that saturday, me and Mel packed up some stuff and took the train into philly and crashed at Mike's. We were suppose to see his gig that night, but they ended up cancelling at the last min. At least I got to repay Martin for all the hugs I owed him.  So we went back to his/angelina's house, worked on his costume till like, 4 am, his friend Mark came over, and we all crashed in the living room. 
Next day, we got up, ran some errands for costume stuff, came back and watched a few more movies while getting all decked out for the party that night. I was really looking forward to the night at that point, and then John got there, and I all of a sudden got kinda nervouse and felt kinda awkward. I knew deep down that he was going to want to talk, and sure enough, about 20 mins after he got there, he asked me if I wanted to step outside and chat for a while.  He has got to be one of the sweetest, most honorable guys I have ever met. But he was looking for something with me that I could not do. He always seemed to be a guy who could give everything to every other person on the street and do nothing for himself, and even when he was miserable, he would do nothing for himself.  It is really hard to be in a relationship with someone who does not love or care for themselves. And as much as I care about him as a person, I needed a lot more from a relationship. I needed someone who could support me emotionally as well as support themselves. A relationship should be a two way thing, and I didnt get that from John. ANYWAYS... From talking with him, I really had no idea what to do with him. I felt powerless. And I dont take that kind of thing very well. I got into this slump in the beginning of the week, where every little thing that I felt like I failed at was a blow. I got called out in Martial arts club monday night, and felt ridiculous by the end of the night. I flopped at dive rolls on monday, I felt like I was screwing up with grappling on tuesday, and actually had a sort of breakdown in class that I wasnt too happy that I did. I tryed to get back to the stage managment thing this week cuz auditions for tempest are coming up soon and found that things for that were already started without me, and that a lot of the stage managment stuff was already taken care of, leaving me kinda thinkin, "gee, what the heck else is there for me to do for MY thesis?" I just felt really useless this week. But by thursday night and Friday, I started to feel like I had gotten some of that back. My sense of humor and sarcasm was dead on, I was starting to really think through and solve problems, I did not too bad in class thursday night and friday, I even had my first tap out in a grappling match on friday that I really felt good about because it was the first time I had really seen an opening and took advantage of it. I saw my opponent's head and neck was exposed and I instantly realized "Guilloteen!!" And I went for it, sunk in to it and got her to tap. It was weird hearin it cuz I almost didnt realize what was happening. And so, even though, I got my sheild almost knocked into my eye, and I now have a nice little bruise and a small cut next to my eye, I feel really good about how my week ended up. 

I just spent an entire day almost to myself, got to watch a movie I havent seen since I was 7 (Searching for Bobby Fischer), and pushed all other worries out of my head for a day. Feeling centered, is so great after being off for so long.

Ok, so here is a breakdown of how my weekend went. I was not alone in this trip, dustin was there too, and if you know him, please ask him how it went cuz it was much different for him.

Friday:
Got up and out the door by 7:00am, to the train by 7:30am. Into the city by 8:00am. Walked down to where the workshop was going to be the next day, because we were asked to come in to do some pre-lim work as interns. By 8:30, we've met Chuck Conwell, fight director and teacher at U of Arts in philly. We mosty folded and counted  t-shirts, cleaned swords, and ran errands all day, but was still pretty cool. Got to know a few of the guys coming to the workshop the next day, because they were Re-certing in a few different weapons. Aparently I learned later that they all passed.

Saturday:
Up and out the door by 6:30am, to the train by 7:00am, into the city by 7:30, down to the workshop location by 8. Helped set stuff up, set out weapons, check people in, sell T-Shirts, ect. 9 am, warm up starts, and I'm still kinda runnin around finishing whatever I could before the classes started. But once they did, I was off.

9:15: Domestic Violence- Taught by Michelle Ladd  (fight director and teacher out of LA)
Basically with this, we went through and learned the actual dynamics of a domestic violence fight. Michelle focused mostly on scene work, and how the tension built in the scene should tell you where the fight is going to go. Is it the first time actual violence has been shown? Is the dominant person a multiple offender? What stage in the abuse cycle is this couple? Ect. We worked through some objective work, where we paired off, and first  time around, side A was just suppose to try and get to the other side of  the room and side B was suppose to stop them, but not make it look like they were trying to push them back and stop them. Second time around, she actually added the dynamic of side A needed to get out because of a danger factor, but not let side B know that. Side B was suppose to keep side A there, without trying to just hold them back. It sounds kinda confusing, but plainly put, it's all about control. Understanding the dynamic in that kind of situation, and understanding where in the cycle of violence your character is in, helps push not only the scene, but the fight along.

11:15- Full Contact- Taught by Joe Traverse  (fight director and teacher out of NYC)
In this class, we explored the different things you can actually fight with on your body. The fact that almost every major muscle group in your body could become a weapon was facinating. Using your pec mucsles to hit someone to the floor. Using your thigh, flat of your arm, sholder, head even, to cause damage to your partner. The example he gave was to look at the King Kong fight between King Kong and the two T-Rexs. He used whatever he could on his body, so why couldnt we. What if you were in a scene that required you to be drunk, or have your arm in a sling, basically any situation that restricted your use of hands or feet? It was quite useful to think of that aspect, and expand my thinking of what to use in a fight.

(LUNCH OF AMAZING CHEESTEAKS!)

2:15- Skirts and Heels- Taught by Michelle Ladd 
This was probably one of the most useful classes for me this weekend. It not only let me really get to know Michelle Ladd, the only teacher this weekend who was a woman, but it taught me a lot about what it was to fight as a woman. In period times (1500,1600,1700, ect) women had a lot of restrictions on them when they fought. First off, not many women fought, but fighting in heels and a skirt added to the weirdness. Imagin the royal courts from then, how only the rich really were taught how to fight. The women back then in court were taught to fight in those giant hoop dresses. Even women who fought in regular skirts or dresses, still had a lot of fabric to deal with. And women didnt normally wear flat shoes, so there was a different kind of balance that had to come. One couldnt do a full lunge with heels and a skirt. At least because of the heels, you would break your ankle. Because of the period, in court, if you showed even an ankle, you would be scandalouse.  So learnin to flow and use the skirt in the visual line for the audience was quite fun, and learning how to ajust your defence and attack based on the added restrictions of a skirt, possibly corset and sleeves that did not allow for very high sholder movement was tricky. We also learned how to do rolls in heels and possibly even a mini-skirt. Just getting a female perspective in the combat world was awesome. I really hope to e-mail Michelle and possibly even K. Jenny Jones (who is the first female fight master with SAFD EVER!!) and just try and learn the pitfalls and dangers for women in the male dominated world of stage combat and stunt work. 

4:15 Multiple Attackers- taught by Joe Traverse (me and dustin assisted in this class)
This was not really anything too new for us, because of the big melee fight we did last year and working on the two on one broadsword fight. It was great getting the reminder and added understanding of it. We basically learned the mindset of someone defending against multiple attackers and the mindset of someone who was one of those multiple attackers. We started out with a big variation on Tag with chopped up pool noodles, and eventually that ended up with me, dustin and another intern, emily, facing the rest of the class in an all out elimination round, 12 verse 3. great odds. of course I was the first one of the three of us to get out. :-P But it was a lot of fun because we did a 2 on one semi-knife fight. one of the two attackers had a knife and the other was unarmed. It was fun because it was really in close, high danger, and really gritty. I really cant wait to get to knife.

This was the end of classes for Day one. 
Afterwards, I walked dustin back to the train station ( cuz unfortuantly he had previouse plans) But I went back because alot of the students and teachers at the workshop were going out to a resturant afterwards, hanging out, chatting, and making connections with people whom they never really get to see. It was great, because basically i was having dinner with fight directors and teachers from around the country. Sat at the same table with Chuck Coyle, current president of the SAFD. Chit chatted with John Billomo from philly, Joe traverse from NYC, got to know Nick Oddson from Toronto. It was a great connection building opportunity.

SUNDAY
Out the door and on the road by 7:15 am. Drive into philly (because we thought dustin was going to need to bring Michelle back to the airport before the end of the workshop) Find parking and get into the building by 8:20 or so. Help set up breakfast, break out the weapons, same deal as Sat, except we actually got to warm up today.  

9:15- Athetic Smallsword- taught by Ian Rose
even though he told us to not take his classes, both me and dustin both said we could use more experience in it. So we get up there, and it starts out just like a normal "Ian" class. But then he starts adding these new moves that just were....AWESOME! Running balestras, Zulu lunges, great pasado sotos to the side. It was not only really fun to watch, but fun to do. My legs will be sore as hell for the next few days, but what a great way to start out the day.

11:15- Lecture on Motion Capture- Taught by Michelle Ladd
This wasnt as much of a class like the other classes, but it was more of a sit and listen lecture. Michelle basically came in and talked about what it takes to do motion capture, movement studies for things other than humans, choreographing fights in motion capture, understanding "Massive" A.I programs, and getting work in the motion capture realm. I did find this extreamly useful, even though I kinda wished that I had been doing something more active. there was another class on Akido taught by Chuck Coyle, but I figured I would get Akido from other sources.  

(LUNCH)

2:15- Beginning Staff- Taught by Alex Cordan (I have to look up where he was from and the actual spelling of his last name)
I assisted in this class. I needed to sign up to assist in some things, as an intern, so I chose this. It was really awkward, because I was so use to already being use to the staff, that when I got a guy so out of sync with how to twirl or had no feel for the staff at all that I started to get flubbed up here and there.  I still kinda like the way Ian taught us staff, because it seemed more real. It was kinda cool, because I got to learn how to slide pass the staff to a partner.

4:15- Talhoffer Longsword (advanced longsword)- taught by Joe Traverse
I came in late to this one, so this was more like extra practice with the longsword, but this was more of detail technic work. I need to look up some of the references that Joe was using, and do some research on this, cuz got the basic gist of what he was trying to say, but not completely (if that makes any sense). Our attacks were more on line, there was more of an exploration of using two hands on the blade and using it that way, and looking at the way attackers would face each other in foot work and understanding the combat. At least that is what I could disern from what I saw. This class could have been better.

Long drive home and long hot shower. stinky, smelly, sore, but with two full days of nothing but combat stuck in my head. I also got to talk to John Billomo about possibly shadowing him on some jobs in the near future, so that I could get a better wider perspective of fight direction in the professional world.  

I probably had the best fight in Smallsword, the most fun in Multiple attackers, and the best learning experience in Skirts and Heels. Of course there were classes that I missed that I would have LOVED to have taken. Dustin not only got to do rifle and bayonet, but Samuri sword. even though he was already partially trained, I would have loved to taken it, even without training. Either one of those classes I would have LOVED to taken. Of course Akido, and probably a few others that I cant remember at the moment, but overall, I had a BLAST this weekend.  Hopefully the friends I made this weekend will not only last me a long time, but help me make connections in the professional world that will help me out so freakin much down the line. I'm usually not too good at shmoosing and making connections, but this weekend helped out so much.  I CANT WAIT FOR COMBAT CLASS THIS WEEK! 

there was also this guy taking pictures today, and I really wish I could get my hands on them. I have no idea if we get any of them.

 Things have been kinda weird lately. I've been realizing, as usual, more stuff about myself. Last week, my foot had a really weird spazum that lasted all of friday. I had an amazing meeting with my Internship teacher, and I just realized that the road in front of me into next year is starting to get a little clearer each day. I also realized exactly how lonely I am, not friends wise, but just how much I just really want a guy. I realized that the only two guys ever to really get my back to relax were guys I was interested in.  Just over all stress, and the not having that romatic or even sexual release is starting to show physical symptomes. IT'S CRAZY!  The last guy I really felt like I had a chance with was so dence that he couldnt even see that I was trying to show that I liked him, and now he's pursuing this other girl, so I'm now left with no possibilities on the horizon. And yet with all this emotional strife, I feel more centered than I ever really have felt in a really long time.  I have a job possibility after school, I'm doing stuff on my own, and really starting to move away from depending on the people I did last year. I really feel like I'm starting to stand on my own two feet.  I can only really truly explain exactly what that feeling is by giving an example.  The last two weeks, I've been getting up at 6 am on tuesdays and thursdays, catching the 7am train into the Temple train station, walking up to the tomlinson theater at Temple University, sitting and catching up on reading for about an hour, then from 8:30-10:00 am, I am assisting Ian with his Unarmed class at Temple. Afterwards, I walk back to the train station, and just the feeling as i look around and think back on what I just did for the last 4 hours, and think, "yeah, I just did that. I just helped them work on thier fights. I just got up on my own and came in without being required to or getting payed to do it. I might be doing this for a living this time next year. I did that."  I'm a lot stronger than I usually give myself credit for.  


I still want a guy though. ;-)

 really weird last two days. Yesterday I was mentally high off of something. The most random things were popping into my head. I was actually thinking of dying my hair. Nothing really extreme, but something at least a shade or two lighter. I went to dinner and someone said "creame" and the first thing  that popped out of my mouth was "abdul Jabar". I felt like I had ADD yesterday. Whatever was popping into my head, I did. It was quite awesome.

Today, I'm in this really weird kind of limbo place. I have a crapload to get done, but my mind is moving as fast as a slug right now.  All I really want to do is lie down somewhere and just stare. Stare at the celing, the posters on the walls. Just allow my streame of consiousness to flow completly, and allow my body to be almost catytonic.  I really dont feel like talking to anyone, but I know I have to to get done the things I need to get done.  I missed my only class today. And I'm kicking myself hard for it. I'm looking at my roommate, and my other friends who are working on thier thesis or trying to hold down 22 credits, and thinking, what gives me the right to skip classes?? Nothing. Just adding to the weird catytonic feeling. Someone please just come up to me, smack me, and yell at me to SNAP OUT OF IT!!!!!!!

 Ever feel like you're not keeping up with the people around you? Ever feel like your being taken for granted? This doesnt really count for the girls in my life, but so far, it's felt like a lot of my guy friends (some exceptions) are either forgetting about me, or taking me for granted. And guys just in general are so blind sometimes. I love my female friends this year, cuz they actually seem like they give a dam right now. just feeling a little under appriciated. probably momentary, but who knows.

 Ok, this last week has been weird, awesome, and sometimes bummy. My classes are all awesome.  I still have to find my internship, most of my friends have got great things goin for them this semester as well, and still, part of me is bummin at how different things seem from last year.  I'm tellin ya, one summer can change so much. From previouse experience, it always sucks, and it can happen. I just hope things havent changed that much. But I'm gonna say this now, for the people whom I feel have changed, I am going to do my hardest to not treat you differently cuz I always believe in the golden rule. treat others the way you want to be treated.  It's going to be hard as hell sometimes, and those who know me, I may need a little help, but I refuse to lose anyone I found last year as a friend, and I hope that you see what I am trying to do and do the same.  

To all my friends working on shows and who got casted, CONGRATS!!! and BREAK A LEG!!

Ok. so far this weekend has been CRAZY. Yesterday I was flipping out. in a good way. I had my last day of work and I was realizing how close I was to seeing all my friends again. I realized how much I had missed hangin with mike, dustin and quin, goin crazy with quin, steph, amy and them and watchin dustin and mike just jam or get really excited over something together, cuz they are an unbeleiveable duo. I really am starting to feel like they are my big brothers. and its great! SO I realized how much I really missed them and how close monday was, and I wanted monday to be.....NOW!!! 

Then today, I woke up from a really hard sleep, and my brother was watching Fire House Dog. I wanted to watch the whole thing since I had never seen it before, and as I was walking around, I saw the card we got from the vet's office.  It's been about a week and a half since my girl, glasgow died. I saw the card we got with her ashes and it said the following:

THE RAINBOW BRIDGE:

Just this side of heaven is a place called The Rainbow Bridge. When and animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to The Rainbow Bridge.  There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Theose who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.  The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing, then each miss someone very special to them who had been left behind.

They run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster. 

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling togehter in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross the Rainbow Bridge together...

well, needless to say, that got me ballin real fast.  We had her put down, because she was REALLY old, and had bad hips, and she fell down and couldnt get back up. She was in alot of pain, so my parents decided it was time.  I was at work and got the call. My mom picked me and my brothers up, we rushed home, and picked up my dad and glasgow.  We drove out to the vet's office, me and my mom ballin our eyes out the whole way.  We got in there, took her into the usual examaning room, where the vet had layed a really nice, warm fleece blanket down on the examaning table.  All 5 of us  waiting in that little room. My parents talked to the vet, and told them they had finally made a decision and that it was time. Glasgow was taken into the next room to get the cathiter put in and then they brought her back in for us to say goodbye.  My mom took a while, cuz she couldn't let go. My brothers had their own way of saying goodbye. I told her that I hoped she understood how much she was loved here, and I found it really hard to let her go.  Then I felt her lick my arm, which I took as her telling me it was ok.  She was trembling from how much pain she was in, and when the vet finally put the needle in, I could see her starting to relax and her eyes glaze over.  After so many times of checking her when she was sleeping to see if she was still breathing, it was wierd putting my hand on her side and not feeling her stomach go up and down under my hand or not feeling her move.  I must have stood there for what felt like 5 mins, but was probably only 30 sec. I felt like I couldnt move. This was the dog I had had since I was 6, I had seen her grow from a puppy, into the hyper teenage pup she was, and then eventually into the old grump she turned into. She had been there with me when I was alone in the house, and her presence was something that filled every room. And I was never going to feel that again. I was never going to have tounge baths when I had been crying or sweating too much. I was never going to have a play fight with her again where my arm was bitten and scratched up beyond belief, but it was all for play.  I was never going to hear her paws clicking on the ktichen floor, or hear her jingle the bells we left on the front door that told us she wanted to go out.  

I can still remember the days when she was young. When I was in 4th grade, I was in pee-wee cheerleading, and there was this small log wall that was near the football field where we practiced. My parents would sometimes bring her and she could jump and claw her way over that wall a hundred times.  When the old playground at my elementary school was still there, I can still see her racing across the wooden jungle gym and climbing up the stairs for one of the metal slides and coming down the other end.  I can remember getting her all hyped up and see her racing around the house as fast as she could, with me or my dad or mom chacing her.  I can remmeber seeing her face so cutely laying on my leg begging for a potato chip. She was definantly a chip dog. I can remember the fact that when she was younger and we would leave her alone for a while, she would tear up a book or two, but she would only ever rip up some form of history book, nothing else.  I can remember when we might leave food on the kitchen table and a chair out, and we would leave the house, we would come back and find the food gone.  I can remember the fact that she always got scared when a thunderstorm was coming and she would go hide downstairs.  She would always sit next to anyone who was at the computer, and apparently, my parents reminded me that before my brothers were born, she would sit just outside my door in the morning, waiting for me to get up.  I wanted a girl dog when I was little so that way we might have more puppies. I remember being really bumbed when they told me she had to get spayed. But she was the best friend a girl could ask for.  Even when I went away to school, I would always come back and she would still be really excited to see me again.  I was glad that I was home to be with her when she died. because I wanted her to really understand how much I loved her.  And just like that story of the Rainbow Bridge says, I really REALLY hope I get to see her again. I hope she's back to the vigor she had when she was a puppy. I hope she is warm, and feels loved,  and has plenty of room to run, cuz i always felt bad that she always got cooped up in our house. He parents were hurders, and I think she was also one at heart.  Anyone who says that animals dont have a soul, never had a pet.  because she had some of the most spirit out of anyone I ever knew.  She will be sorely missed. She was always a Good Girl, never a bad dog.  Glasgow,   July 10 1992-- Aug 15 2007.

Well, today I reached a very small but certainly memorable milestone.  Today, while bowling with the kids at the summer camp I work at, I bowled in my first game 127 and in my second game a 131, after never ever having broken 100 before.  Needless to say, I was very excited and quite confuddled as to how I was on such a hot streak today. 

Also, last night, I was flipping the channels, and I came across an interesting awards show. I found the 2007 Tauras World Stunt Awards. An awards show for the film stunt industry people! Awards such as best high work, best car stunt, hardest hit, best fight, best performance by a female stunt woman, best stunt coordination, ect. Gerard Butler got Action star of the year, Burt Reynolds  and the stunt woman for WONDER WOMAN got lifetime acheivement awards, and it was hosted by The Rock! HOW FREAKIN COOL!!!!!!!!!

I am so fight deprived it's not even funny! I need to work on my fights with someone. I need to get a broadsword or a quarterstaff or a small sword in my hands right now, because I miss workin on that SOOO much. It's hard as hell to get together with the other combat people from school, and there is no way I could get into the city and afford to go to Ian's private classes.  I cannot wait to get into this next semester and work on some more small sword ( cuz I definantly still don't feel quite right with that weapon yet), Broadsword and shield, and knife.  I can't wait to get to the Philly Fight Workshop and work on who knows what other kinds of weapons! I can't wait to get there to see what new weapons I can buy!!! If they have a class for bull whip, I probably will shit my pants, take it, get my own bull whip, and then end up killing myself or someone else trying to use it, and still be happy in the process. LOL. wow was that utterly morbid or what? 
Anywho, it's kinda late, gotta work in the mornin, early, ugh, so here is the end of this ramble!

Ok, after 4 days, of basically reading for periods of time, loosing sleep and having major anxiety attacks, I've finished the 7th harry potter book.

I won't say anything, except that It's both really cool and sad that it's over, Roweling chose a great way to end it, and Dumbeldor is one of the most clever sons of bitches in this story! 

LOVED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, as a precurosor to this note, let me just say that I REALLY DO LOVE MY FAMILY. i do. If any of them were to die, I would probably go into mental shock and not be able to shake it for years. I love them with all my heart and soul.

Now, to the note. THEY ARE DRIVING ME INSANE!!!!!!!!!!!!
First my little brother matt.  He is my partner in crime. We act so freakin much like brother and sister, it's not even funny.  I push him to where he needs to be, and he calls me on when I'm being a complete ass.  But lately, since he goes to the summer camp that I work at, and even more, he's in the group that I'm one of the teachers for, it's starting to drive me batty.  He loves play fighting, and often times, it gets to feel more than playing. Real punches, sometimes smacks, and whatever else he thinks I can handle. Lately, he's taken to trying to make me flitch, just to get the chance to punch me twice in the arms.  I keep joking that I pick on him a lot just because I know pretty soon he's gonna be pretty soon 6 foot something, 140 pounds of all muscle, ect and will be able to easily beat the crap outta me soon, so I take advantage of every chance I get to mess with him.  He's probably the one I have the least amount of trouble with right now.  Without him, I'm not sure how I could be the silly fun loving me that I am when I'm at home. It's just that sometimes he doens't know when to stop.

Then there is my brother Luke.  He's high functioning special needs and I love him to the point that if anyone tryed to mess with him, they would get a fist full from me first.  But ever since he's hit puberty, it's been a roller coaster. There will be days where he will be the typical teenage boy and just lounge about the house, not saying anything.  Then there are days where he just won't get the hint that you don't want to talk to him right then and there and that you are having a bad day, and that you don't want to hear about how the angels did in their latest baseball game or the latest movie trailer he watched on apple.com for the 10,000th time (which he does often because he naturally tends  to repeat stuff). He's still working through his spike in hormones and because of his special need, it's harder for him to understand the difference between sister-girl and pretty girl he sees on the street.  I'm not saying he's tryed anything, but there will be days where you just get a feeling from him that he's kinda confused.  And then the constant outbursts of very loud laughter at everything he finds funny, or him trying to hit matty cuz matty and I were play fighting.  I understand it's really hard for him to comprehend a lot of what is going on around him, and I am willing to be patient, but there are just days where my patience runs out. Like this weekend, I had to leave early with my family from our trip to the mall of america yesterday because luke was tired. And today, we were at a picnic for Walden University, the school my mom is getting her docterat from, for her graduation tomorrow. We had to leave early from that because the clowns they have there had ballon animals. (luke cannot stand loud noises. because of his special need, sounds are extremely amplified for him making even the pop of a ballon very loud and frightenting for him, not to mention the fourth of july) I'm usually very patient with his special need, but there are just days where I kinda wish the whole family didn't have to cater to HIS every need.  That is just a frustration, as reminder, i would do anything to protect this boy.

Then there is my step-dad. There are days where he can be the sweetest man on earth.  I love both my dad and my step-dad very dearly. There are times where I really feel like my step-dad has been the father figure in my life.  But then there are days when it just feels like he only sees me as a hamper on his life, the child he help to raise that was not his.  He's got two full daughters in my step-sisters, and two full sons with my brothers, but I am the child who was not of his blood.  I feel sometimes like he is taking advantage of that and making me do more things than anyone else.  That just may be my perseption, but that's how I feel. There are days where he'll just sit on the computer, working on his star charts, and not do a damd thing, and then yell at me for not doing the dishes. He'll go work out every day, lifting weights mostly, but bike riding and walking too, and then sit at home eating a bag of chips at night and then cry and yell when his weight is up.  I keep telling him that maybe it's the muscle mass he's gained, or that it's not helping himself by munchin down a bag of chips. I keep telling him that a scale can be deciving and that it should be more about how he feels he's doing.  Does he feel good after working out and does he feel more in shape.  He says he does but then he'll still fixate on the number.  He'll also yell at me and matt constantly when we are messing around, cuz both of us get bored easily and we'll start messing around.  He'll yell at me for setting a bad example mostly, when both he and mom don't realize that with none of my friends around on trips like the one we are on now, matt and I only have each other.

And speaking of my mom, there is no one in the world I love more.  She is my mom and dad all rolled into one.  She is a lot of who I am, and she is my role model/ hero.  She maintaines a job with the US goverment as a counsoler for soldiers, hearing war stories and helping people find peice of mind.  She helped  counsole some of the FEMA workers who came down from NYC after 9-11.  She has briefed countless base commanders.  She maintains the order and sanity of her house between all the fighting matt and I do, Luke yelling add screaming, step-dad yelling about his weight, she got through 5-7 years of her Doctorial program while working, compleating her almost 200 page disertation at home every night, and is close to becoming a licensed psycologist, and completed her intership hours all on top of this.  She has the drive and ambistion that I want to cultivate.  Talk about a hard act to live up to.  But some days, she just drives me UP THE WALL!! She is SOOOOOOOOO co-dependant that I think she still sees me as her 4 pound 6 oz sack of flour she gave birth to.  There are days where I will want to go see mike play at Dadz bar down the way from home, or just go out for the night, and she will still warn me about drinking and refuse for a bit to let me out because of drunks on the road.  I could go for a walk in the middle of the day to the acme near my house and it won't even be the drunks, she'll just call to check on me just for taking a little too long.  I know she's a mom, and she is suppose to worry about me, but the extent that she takes it to some days just is a little smothering.  And there are days where we could just not see eye to eye.  I seriously think that she does not get the idea that I NEED MY OWN SPACE sometimes.  And I was trying to talk with her the other day about how I feel left out sometimes in the family, cuz I'm the only McIntyre in the house, that I'm the step-daughter or half-sister to most of the house. (didn't use those exact words, and probably should have) and she just brushed it aside and said "your still not going on about that". 

This weekend, I really REALLY wish I could have taken someone my own age to hang out with and walk around with because this sticking with the family thing is really starting to get old.  The family was ready to go to bed tonight, I was still wide awake and really needing some TERRI time, and so I asked if I could walk down to the Barnes-n-Nobles 4-5 blocks away to see thier midnnight harry potter release party.  I asked just out of respect.  Mom said no because there were too many drunks on the street. and I could understand her not wanting me to roam around in Minnianapolis at midnight by myself. DUH. BUt I really REALLY needed to get away from my family for a little while, and I couldn't. I felt like a little kid again! And I swear sometimes there are days where I don't even feel like I'm  21 and someone about to go into her final year at college. I feel like a teenager who is still under the restrictions of her parents, but until I move out and get my own place, that's basically what I am. I'm in one of the most beautiful cities I've seen in a while, and I can't even walk around by myself because I have no one who is my own age to go with me and I have to stick with my family. The closest I got was being able to go around the mall of america by myself for 2 1/2 hours yesterday.  I guess that might have been enough, especially since my parents payed for my way out here, so I need to respect my parent's wises. But sometimes when a girl just needs to get away from the pickky little brothers and needy crazy parents, she just needs to break away and do that, and when she can't, SHE GOES BLODDY NUTS!

I NEED DOG PILES ON LOVESACS.  I NEED BIG HUGS FROM EVERYONE! I NEED A BACKRUB FROM DUSTIN CUZ HE IS STILL THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS BEEN ABLE TO GET THROUGH THE NOTS IN MY BACK DISPITE SOME OTHERS BEING VERY CLOSE. I NEED SWORDFIGHTS AND TO BE IN ACTION TERRI MODE WITH A BROADSWORD IN MY HAND. I need late night movie-thons in 401.  I need intense 2 hour martial arts club sessions.  I need to hear awesome jam sessions from mike and dustin.  I need to see ernie's crazy face and lauren being the sometimes cute, sometimes little miss attitude that she can be.  I need to be around mike and his self-proclaimed and reinforced by others awesomeness.  I need to be around justin, tj and dustin when they get going with the crasyness.  I NEED MY FRIENDS!! I NEED  MY ARCADiA FAMILY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
September could not come SOON ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, just got out of seeing the new Harry Potter.  I know it's the opening weekend, and not that many people have seen it just yet, so I'm going to just mention the things that I liked, in a very vague way.

1> That was exactly how I hoped a wizards duel would actually be.

2> Hermione, Luna, Tonks, and Ginny all kick ASS!

3> I could not stop  saying "bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch" every time Deloris Umbridge came on the screen.

4> The members of the OOTP all have KICK ASS entrances! 

5> Cornelius Fudge is the most stupid man in this movie! 

6>The Weasly family are all GENIUSES!

7> Serius has some seriouse style!

8> Dan Radcliff, Emma Thomsan, and Rupert Grint  have all become GREAT actors! (how can they not get great working with the fantastic cast they have!)

8> There are some things I need to go back and re-read the book for to double check on.

There were probably other things, and I just can't think of them now. Please let me know what you think about the movie when you see it! I always love having discussions about good movies! (it wasn't AMAZINGLY fantastic,. but it was the best of the harry potter movies yet I think)

Ok, so I watched some of the other videos on the guy's account.  Turns out he was british, and was more of a political mind.  Some of his other videos wern't even about the war, and others were very much his own political commentary.  I can definantly say that it has been a while since I've thought politically and argued about some of the subjects he brought up.  I can say that I sent an apology message and thanked him for sparking my interest argumentivly.

Ok, I was just on Youtube, and found this video from this person where they have infered footage from and Apache Helicopter as they take down three men whom they thought were insergents.  The narrator was this snooty sounding british guy, and he was anylizing EVERYTHING!!! and as much as I agreed with him that what happened wasn't right, the way he was talking down about the soldiers made me want to VOMIT! 

here is the link to the video, and this person had disabled the text comment option, so I had to sent this to him in a personal message. I felt like I HAD to respond. here is what I said.   I could have said so much more, but I held back.  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5zzMIRznDk

Thunderf00t
This is in response to your video
"Analysis of Apache Gunship killing Iraqis Ploughing a field"
I am not quite sure why you disabled the text comment feature on this video. I can understand if it is because of the people writing obsene comments on there. But if you didn't want obsene comments written in response to your videos, you should not post videos about such a volitile subject.  I am completely with you in the belief that this war is wrong.  I believe that PRez Bush is a man that should NEVER have been in office, especially TWICE! yuck! But I am someone who is from a deeply military family and I strongly support the troops.  I believe that this video, however logical it sounds or seems, should not have been posted. I understand you have a freedom to post pretty much what you want on here and I'm not telling you what to do, but it is my opinion that stuff like this does nothing to help anyone.  It reduces moral to any soldier who sees it and puts people against the soldiers who need our support.  I admit that I agree that what they did was wrong, but look at any other war.  Soldiers are humans too and make mistakes.  Unfortunatly mistakes under the conditions that could get them court martialed or killed themselves, but they are under stresses that no other person can understand unless they have been through it themselves.  Have you ever served in any military? Have you ever worked for any goverment? What gives you the authority to anylize these sodliers who I believed displayed great restraint.  They made a judgement choice, and followed certain codes of conduct put down for them.  Instead of plowing down those men without warning, they confirmed the order to fire, I believe twice and did not fire until given permission.  Have you ever heard the term "Shit roles up hill". I think this is correct. Either way, an order always goes down the chain of command, and if a mistake is made, it always goes up the chain of command.  Do the mistake was in the hands of the man who gave the order to fire, where as the person who put that man in his authority position should also be blaimed for putting that man in a place to give that order, and so on and so forth up the chain of command.  IF you really wanna blaim someone for all the deaths in Iraq, blame Prez Bush and the heads of the US government.  THey campaigned and gained the trust of the American people, and why we were able to get a man in office who actually RAN from service in the military, I will never know.  But there is a new election in one years time, and it could not come any faster.  So, to end this rant, and in short, before you start posting your anti-war, anti-soldiers, anti- bush videos, please make sure you understand COMEPLETLY what you are talking about.  

I probably should have watched some of thier other videos, but watching the first one made me so upset that I had to stop there.

as I sit here, eating a rita's water ice gelatie, and trying to find out exactly what I am doing this weekend, I realize exactly how much different this summer is from last summer.  last summer, I was almost BEGGING for a chance to get away with people closer to my own age than the kids I work with and my family.  This summer, It's almost like I need to scramble to get the last joys of having fun with my friends over the summer before I graduate.

  I could swear I had a panic attack the other night because I was not feeling good already and I started thinking about all the student loan payments I'm going to have to start doing in almost a year, how I might be getting a car at the end of the school year and will have to start insurance payments for that, how I need to find an apartment (if not the comune) after I graduate, how I still need to do my resume and stuff and find my internship for the fall, and then actually find a job after I graduate. YIKES!  I actually need to really start planning for the real world! not just talk about it! 

I know this is something I really shouldn't be panicing over and if I plan right and go through with what I say I need to do, everything should be good, but it's always scary taking that first jump. 

well,......................... GERANIMO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After a kinda long, uneventful, very sleepy weekend, where I feel totally useless cuz I got nothing done, I decided to go out to blockbuster.  I got changed outta the P.Js that I've been in pretty much the last two days, liked the way my hair was so I left it down, and went out. Got a movie or two that I've been MEANING to see, and then went to the superfresh next door to get a snack or two. While in there, there were two guys in the chip aisle, that were certainly not hard on the eyes, and so I decided to be a little flirty. Went down the aisle like I was looking for chips and tried to make sure they saw me. Thinking back, I probably could have been even more flirty (trying to get something on the top shelf and not being able to reach it, asking them for their opinion, ect.) but not sure if that would be my style or if I was up for that.  When I got home, I looked out my front door after letting my dog out, and saw probably at least 50 fire flies lighting up like crazy around the yard. So much that it seemed to sparkle. It was such a warm summer night that they must have been going crazy.  and I just got such a calm happy feeling in the pit of my stomach that I totally forgot the fact that I've basically been catotonic most of the weekend (which for those of you who know me, is not the way I like things AT ALL!) It's great how the little things you see everyday can make you smile the most. :-D

LATERS!